


Never Loved The Rain

by pinkdiamonds



Category: Stargate Atlantis, Stargate SG-1
Genre: Angst, Drama, Established Relationship, Homophobia, M/M, Marriage, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-23
Updated: 2014-03-23
Packaged: 2018-01-16 16:29:49
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,624
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1354075
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pinkdiamonds/pseuds/pinkdiamonds
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>John is cut loose when Atlantis is returned to Earth. Three years later, the city is set to go home. Rodney is sent to fetch John.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Never Loved The Rain

When it came down to it, John hadn’t thought they’d let him leave the fold. While it was true that he lost people, too many by his count, he had still managed to bring Atlantis and all she offered home. He’d thought they’d quietly give in after making whatever point the brass felt they needed to make. He had really thought his superiors would eventually agree to his demands, needing his experience, his souped-up, uberpowerful ATA gene, and his ability to corral the scientists. Instead, all those things worked against him.

Just days after Atlantis had landed; John’s voice was the loudest in demanding a date for when she would be going back to Pegasus. He knew they’d wanted to mine Atlantis in hopes of figuring out how to build more ZPM’s, along with whatever other tech she could offer Earth in their fight against the Ori. None of them had taken into consideration that Atlantis fighting the Wraith in Pegasus might be a better idea rather than waiting for them to land in the Milky Way. John reckoned that with the world’s scientists at the SGC’s beck and call, they’d get whatever they wanted done, and then send Atlantis back home. The fact that Rodney could now devote all his time to scientific projects instead of pulling miracles out of his ass on a weekly basis would speed up the process.

But the brass was deeply uncomfortable with the sway Sheppard had over the Marines under his command, the respect he had from the scientists (especially the Chief scientist, Dr. McKay), and his strong expression of the ATA gene. Half fearing a coup, they gave him the choice of being pulled into Cheyenne Mountain and leading a green team or an honorable discharge. He got the feeling that they preferred he opt for the discharge.

In either case, he would no longer be welcome on Atlantis. They didn’t like the way she rolled over for him and there was serious concern that Sheppard would take it into his head to just sit in the control chair and fly her back to Pegasus, despite whatever orders he had. Sheppard’s reputation for not obeying orders he disagreed with was well known. 

He discussed it with a distracted Rodney over a late night dinner in his hotel room where the returning members of the expedition were being housed until they could be debriefed and their future assignments decided. Their conversation was terse, and John felt that his lover wasn’t seeing things from his perspective at all.

“Rodney, if I take a team, it’ll mean we won’t be together,” John informed his clueless boyfriend.

“What’re you talking about? We’ll see each other every weekend,” Rodney said.

“When has the SGC ever respected weekends, Rodney?” John asked sarcastically.

“So quit. We’ll get an apartment or buy a house in San Francisco,” was the next suggestion.

“And then what? I’ll be a kept man?” John whispered fiercely.

“Well, only if you wanted to be. You could go back to school and get your PhD. Or, you could fly helicopters for one of those tourist companies. Or, or you could work on one of the Millennium problems,” Rodney enthused.

“You mean while you’re discovering the secrets of the universe on the city?” John prompted. 

“No, while I’m discovering how to build or recharge a fucking ZPM so we can go back and exterminate the goddamn Wraith!” the scientist shouted, annoyed with his lover. 

Sheppard gave up. All Rodney could see was the science and he was hurt that Rodney couldn’t understand his devastation about being banned from Atlantis.

***

John took the discharge, even as Rodney threatened to quit and take most of his scientists with him. Sheppard told him it didn’t matter and hid his deep disappointment when Rodney didn’t argue with him. Teeth clenched and stomach roiling, John signed wherever they told him to. Once all the paperwork was finished, Sheppard told the room at large to fuck off, and left with most of his dignity still intact. Returning to the hotel, he packed up the few belongings he’d brought to Washington, and headed home.

***

Sheppard veered between anger and numbness during the drive from D.C. to Virginia; there hadn’t been time to see Rodney before he made the impulsive decision to leave. His call to let McKay know what was happening had gone straight to voice mail as Rodney was in a meeting. He left a message letting him know what was going on, leaving Dave’s phone number. John was bereft at leaving the Air Force. For the first time in many years, John was in charge of his own life, and he had no goddamn idea what the fuck to do next.

John spent a week at David’s house, reconnecting with his brother, and signing the papers that would give him access to the trust fund that he’d refused for so many years. Between the trust fund, retirement benefits, and untouched combat pay, John could do whatever he wanted for the rest of his life without worrying about paying the bills.

David’s offer of a wing in the house, or a home built on the property, and a job, were all politely turned down. He spent a lot of his time with his niece and nephew, allowing them to show him places on the estate he was already well familiar with from his youth. They were bright and engaging kids, and energetic enough to take his mind off Atlantis and Rodney, at least for the time he was with them.

John kept waiting for Rodney to at least call him to say goodbye, but the call never came. When he tried to call Rodney again, the number he had for him had been disconnected. When he went and checked the phone he’d been issued, its service had been cut as well. John had no way of knowing that the throwaway cells the expedition members had been given were all disconnected shortly after he’d completed his paper work. He also had no way of knowing that Rodney never received his message. Even with Dave’s connections, John was unable to reach anyone within the SGC. He’d been well and truly cut loose. Even his emails bounced back. The only thing he had was the address for Travis Air Force Base and the code so any mail received for people working on the city would reach them. 

On the night before John was due to leave, he and David sat up deep into the night, drinking good single malt Scotch in David’s home office. The office was private, regularly swept for listening devices, and one of the most comfortable rooms in the house. It was obvious to John that his brother had lots of questions, and at some point John felt relaxed enough to turn to Dave, and say, “Ask already, I know you’re dying to.”

“Okay. Where the fuck have you been all these years? I’ve tried over and over to find you, and it’s not like I don’t have any influence. Why did you leave the Air Force? Why, after all these years are you now willing to take money you swore you’d never touch? And, why the fuck do you look like someone’s kicked your puppy, John?” David spit out in one breath.

Laughing, John replied. “Geez, don’t hold back now, Dave.” And then he proceeded to blow his non-disclosure statement to hell and back. Figuring this might be the last time he’d ever get to speak about Atlantis, he held nothing back, thinking if you couldn’t trust family, then who the hell could you trust?

As John talked he was surprised to see his generally stoic brother’s face reflect shock, disbelief, anger, and awe. When John told him about how he’d left off his relationship with Rodney, he saw sympathy reflected in his brother’s eyes. John threw back the two fingers of Scotch in his tumbler. “You can’t ever talk about any of this, Dave. Really. If you do, they’ll put us both in a cell. I’m serious, David. There are certain factions in the government that will kill to keep this secret,” he cautioned.

“John.” Dave began. “Johnny,” he started again, using his brother’s childhood name. “Why don’t you just stay home for awhile? You’ve got to know that this is your home also. I was serious about having a house built on the property for you. Or, hell, you could even camp out in the back yard. We’re family. Stay and heal, at least for a little while,” David pleaded. “Come work in the business. Hell, half of it is yours anyway.”

“Dave,” John said, his voice cracking, “I… I appreciate the offer. I’m so glad we were able to reconnect this week and bury the hatchet, but I can’t stay. I’ll be back to visit. I promise, and this time I’ll stay in touch. I’ll write, I’ll email, and I’ll call. You’ve got to know that I love you and those kids of yours, and I’m not ready to give up my family again.”

“I can’t believe you didn’t know that you could’ve always come home, Johnny. Dad would’ve caved in a second. He loved you and I know how much he regretted your estrangement,” David confessed. “And as much as I might’ve resented you in the past, I never stopped loving you.”

“I know. I think I’ve always known, Dave,” John offered. “Right now, I’ve got to find some way to live the rest of my life and I don’t think I can do that here. I’ll let you know where I am though.”

David rose and went to his desk. He removed several items from it. “I pretty much knew I didn’t have a chance in hell of convincing you to stay,” he disclosed. “While you were signing for your trust fund, Steve set up a bunch of other stuff for you also. Your retirement checks will be directly deposited into a checking account, as will half the interest your trust fund generates, “Dave explained.

He handed John the items in his hands one by one. “I set up an iPhone for you with all the numbers you need. You can also call if you need to transfer money from your trust fund. It’s a company phone so the bills are taken care of automatically.” He opened a brand new leather wallet and removed a number of cards. “You’ve also got an ATM card, and five credit cards. Two of them are company cards, which you’re entitled to,” Dave said, leaving no room for John to protest.

John took the phone and the wallet, scanning the cards, and nodding grimly. He slotted the cards back in and then noticed the cash. “That looks like a lot of money, Dave,” he frowned.

“Not really. It’s just some walking around money until you land somewhere,” Dave laughed as his brother quickly counted.

“Five thousand dollars is walking around money? I see I’ve got a lot of catching up to do,” John said dryly.

“Look, wherever you go, just let me know and be careful,” Dave requested. “Um, is there any thing you’d like me to tell Rodney in case he comes looking for you or calls?”

“I doubt he’d come looking,” John said bitterly. “But, if he calls, tell him… tell him I’m just trying to get on with my life after losing everything I loved,” John faltered.

“Do you want me to have him kidnapped and delivered to you? Gift wrapped even,” Dave inquired seriously.

“He’s one of the most protected people on the planet, “ John laughed. “But the offer is appreciated.” John had his pride and he refused to beg Rodney to come with him. He wished McKay would have understood how hard it would have been to watch Rodney spend time on his city, knowing it was permanently barred to him. He wished Rodney had actually made good on his threat and left with John. McKay’s behavior tapped into all of John’s secret insecurities; that he just wasn’t worthy of love.

Pouring them both a little more Scotch, David lifted his glass. “To the future, John, and to family.”

“Sláinte,” John said clinking his glass against his brother’s. “My plane takes off at 10 A. M. You wanna take me to the airport?”

“I’d like nothing better,” David laughed.

~0~

From Jack’s perspective, things had happened all too quickly. He’d been in meetings all week attempting to talk some sense into the President, the Joint Chiefs, and other assorted generals, admirals, and brass. Not one person had listened to him when he advised them to keep John Sheppard on the city. It had been the President’s idea to move Homeworld Security to Atlantis, thereby giving them a strong gene carrier on the city. The President had taken advice from men with too many stars on their uniforms but too little combat experience and no offworld experience.

The only concession the President had made was to put Evan Lorne in charge of the military rather than the ass kissing sycophant the Joint Chiefs had wanted. It was true that the ass kisser had the gene, but it was about the weakest expression it could be and still be called an ATA gene. He was also lacking brains. How he’d ever managed to make Colonel was anyone’s guess. Jack was convinced he’d sucked a lot of cock on the way up. Unfortunately, he was still sorted to the city. Jack figured the IOA and assorted brass needed a spy, and Larry Wilson was stupid, eager, and easily led. 

Woolsey was left in charge of the city, but after his time in Pegasus, the other members of the IOA were no longer sure where his loyalties lie. Jack had no doubts. Richard’s voice hadn’t been as loud as his or John’s, but he was just as insistent that Atlantis must eventually go back to Pegasus to eradicate the Wraith. Woolsey might be a pencil pusher, but he was honest and his moral compass always pointed in the right direction. Jack had been impressed with his impassioned plea to keep Sheppard on the city. 

Stripping off his tie and suit jacket as he walked into the townhouse, Jack called out, “Hi, honey, I’m home.”

“I’m in the bedroom,” came the muffled voice.

Jack strolled in and took in the mess. “Daniel? Whatcha doing?”

“Packing. I called the realtor to either rent out the townhouse or sell it, and she recommended someone in San Francisco if we decide to buy or rent. I think we should rent since I figure we’ll be spending most of our time on Atlantis,” Daniel babbled. “ But, I thought it’d be nice to have our own place when we wanted to spend some time in San Francisco. What do you think we should do?”

Chuckling, Jack asked, “How’d you find out so fast?”

“Paul Davis. He was majorly pissed about Sheppard being dumped. On the other hand, he was positively gleeful about the thought of you in San Francisco,” Daniel informed his lover. “He made me promise that I’ll make you take me out in your dress blues at the earliest opportunity.”

“I was thinking that I’d do that in DC first. Maybe to a Justice of the Peace?” Jack suggested. “You know the only reason I don’t wear my dress blues when we go out is because the President asked me not to? He didn’t want to give anyone ammunition to be used against him and a gay general showing off right after DADT being repealed would have been enough. He wanted us to give it a little more time.” 

“So you’re okay with thumbing your nose at the President’s enemies now that you’re being transferred?”

“If I wasn’t worried about who they’d put in my position, I would’ve done it a long time ago. It’s not like they didn’t know the second you moved in with me, Daniel.”

“I heard Sheppard told a roomful of suits to fuck off.”

“He did, and then he walked out with his head held high. Those sons of bitches better hope they never need him,” Jack declared.

“Given what he accomplished in the Pegasus galaxy, why would they treat him so poorly?” Daniel pondered.

They used a lot of excuses about why they wanted to get John off Atlantis, but I think a large part of it was that he’s in a relationship with McKay. They thought it was too much power wrapped up in one man. Between the respect the Marines and the scientists have for him, his gene and McKay’s brains, they could take over the world in three months,” Jack speculated.

“I’ll be glad to leave Washington, Jack. Too many stupid people work here. Oh, and yeah, let’s get married before we go.”

***

It took a few more weeks before Jack was allowed to actually leave Washington and set up Homeworld Security on Atlantis. He managed to pull Colonel Davis from the Pentagon as his assistant. He wanted to be with people he trusted and Paul fit the bill nicely. That he was competent was just a bonus. Deciding to leave the rest of his staff in Washington caused a few raised eyebrows, but as he hadn’t picked them, he didn’t want them.

They decided to sell the townhouse as neither of them ever wanted to live in DC again. The furniture and other things they wanted to keep were sorted and they arranged for a moving van. Most of their things including Daniel’s books and artifacts that he’d collected over the years would end up on the city, while the rest of it would go to the apartment they’d rented. What they didn’t want, they gave away to charity.

Jack sent Paul ahead to pick out a sizable apartment on Atlantis and to set up his office. Jack wanted an office out of the main tower and he wanted Paul in his own office close by. For his part, Colonel Davis was happy to take care of these details. Atlantis was a prime posting and he knew it.

Paul oversaw the delivery of Jack and Daniel’s belongings to Atlantis. The apartment he’d chosen for them was spacious and had a beautiful view of San Francisco. Coming from a privileged background and having developed a close friendship with Daniel, Paul set up their apartment on Atlantis and in San Francisco. He had a discerning eye and was sure his commanding officer would approve of his efforts. Knowing Daniel, he felt sure that the archeologist would want to get straight to work without worrying about unpacking.

Jack insisted Paul fly back to attend their marriage ceremony and the small party they’d planned for afterwards. The party was held at 1789 in the Middleburg room on the third floor of the restaurant. The food was excellent and it was a small intimate space for the fifty-five people invited. The newly married couple had a suite booked at the Fairfax for their brief three-day honeymoon.

Jack and Daniel flew to San Francisco with no regrets and a great deal of anticipation.

~0~

Over the next months, John sent Rodney several funny, lighthearted postcards, hoping he’d get in touch. He included the address for Sheppard International as well as his current address once he’d settled in, but Rodney never responded. John took the lack of communication as Rodney’s way to end their relationship without having to actually say the words. Pissed that Rodney would let him go so easily, and devastated at losing his best friend and lover, John decided to hell with him and everything that came with him.

John spent six months in Hawaii. He called David to let him know where he was; giving him the address of the hotel he was staying in just in case there was any mail that needed to be forwarded. He did nothing but surf for the first three months. He added drinking and fucking when he got bored just surfing. He slept with anyone who showed him the slightest bit of attention, never staying the night with anyone or even seeing him or her a second time. He was careful to let his partners know he didn’t want anything beyond a few hours of sex, and he always used protection. And he pretended that the encounters didn’t leave him empty and wanting. 

Hawaii soon lost its appeal and John hopped a plane to Amsterdam drawn by the lively nightlife. Unable to help himself, he ended up writing several long letters to Rodney. He poured his heart out, telling Rodney how much he loved him and wished they could be together no matter where, but Rodney never bothered to answer. 

John continued his self-destructive behavior, and there was no one to rein him in. Pain and grief drove him and he became angry. He also became a regular in both the Red Light District and the Pink Light District, not caring if he had to pay for sex. It was actually easier that way. On two occasions, he let someone pay him for sex. 

It wasn’t until John had been in Amsterdam three months that he recognized that he was turning all his anger and pain inwards. Although he ran for an hour most days, he looked like shit. The skin not covered by his heavy beard growth was sallow and dull, caused by a lack of sunshine, proper exercise, proper nutrition, and far too much alcohol. His eyes were bloodshot and lifeless. His hair was lank and lacking its usual luster. 

Disgusted with himself, John booked the very next flight to Paris and began packing.

***

John spent the next three months in Paris. He spent hours in the museums, wallowing in the art the city had to offer. He spent his evenings at small Bistro’s, speaking nothing but French, drinking wine, and pouring over the dozens of art books he’d purchased. The only people he spoke with besides his brother were waiters and the occasional shop clerk. He only sent two postcards to his former lover.

After a year, the sting of losing Atlantis and Rodney in one fell swoop lessened a bit even if it hadn’t faded completely. It was time, he decided, to go home.

~*~

During the meetings Rodney was forced to sit through, he was promised that he could recruit all the scientists he needed as long as he concentrated on recharging the ZPM’s, or building them. They threw money at him and promised that he could begin releasing some of his work. It was a dream come true and Rodney was miserable.

He had seriously considered leaving once he knew John was going to be transferred off Atlantis. The only thing that stopped him from leaving was the thought of the Wraith making their way to Earth. That, and the promise he’d made to John to rid the universe of every single Wraith. He knew the Wraith would easily overrun the planet and the galaxy with ease if they didn’t have a reliable power source for the city. Rodney planned to figure out how to recharge the ZPM’s and then blackmail whoever he had to in order to get John reinstated and back on the city. He knew that they wouldn’t be able to get the ZPM’s recharged or built without his input.

When he’d found out John had taken off for parts unknown, he let it go, knowing his lover needed to get his anger out of his system. When he began receiving postcards from Hawaii, he figured John was doing stupid daredevil things on a variety of surfboards and just hoped he wouldn’t damage his superior brain. He kept meaning to write back, but he was involved with searching for scientists that could actually help the work go faster. When he wasn’t going through resumes, he was in his lab working harder than he’d ever worked in his life.

The only time he left his lab was to catch four or five hours of sleep and to eat dinner in the mess. He had breakfast and lunch delivered to him, preferring to work as he shoved tasteless food down his mouth. In the end, the only scientists he recruited for his department were a theoretical mathematician and an applied mathematician. He kept Zelenka, Kusanagi, and Simpson. He’d wanted Colonel Carter, but she’d refused for personal reasons. It was Lorne who told him the real reason was because Jack and Daniel were on the city and while she accepted their relationship and marriage, she was still struggling with her feelings for Jack. At least that was the rumor.

As Rodney was still the Chief scientist on the city, he recruited several top entomologists and virologists for Carson. He put Keller in charge of the infirmary and charged Carson with developing a disease that would not affect any species other than Wraith. He’d brought the entomologists and virologists to help Carson with that goal. He also brought in several of the world’s top programmers, stealing them from top companies, bribing them if they balked. He wanted them to study the Wraith coding and computer systems and find every way they could to infiltrate it, to introduce viruses, and to generally fuck it up so Atlantis would be able to control the hives without stepping foot on one. He wanted to attack the Wraith on as many fronts as possible. Rodney was planning for genocide and he had no intention of letting even one Wraith escape. 

The first three months that Atlantis was in the San Francisco Bay, the only people Rodney interacted with in any meaningful way was his staff, Lorne, and Carson. While in the mess, his body language prevented anyone but Zelenka from ever joining him. Mostly, he sat alone and brooded, reading reports from various departments, and sending either encouraging or scathing emails depending on each department’s progress or lack thereof.

It was sometime after the third month that Jennifer Keller started sitting occasionally with Rodney during mealtimes, ignoring his bad attitude and chatting brightly over his sour looks and sarcastic banter. It soon became a regular thing for her to have dinner with McKay nightly. She also started to bring him his lunch until that also became a near daily occurrence. In his distraction, Rodney didn’t notice, or at least, he didn’t say anything.

***

One person McKay was forced to deal with had become both the high and low point of his week. Larry Wilson, who was universally disliked, was given the most meaningless jobs that could be found. One of them was the distribution of mail, which he saw to personally. The first time he delivered mail to McKay’s office, Wilson made a disparaging remark about getting mail from his boyfriend. Rodney took his mail and ignored the comment.

When Rodney received John’s sixth postcard, Jennifer happened to be in the lab eating lunch with the volatile scientist and Miko. Wilson handed him several letters, the post card on top. As he turned away after handing McKay his mail, he muttered, “Faggot!” under his breath. Rodney had had enough.

He rose from his chair and got in Wilson’s face. “What the fuck did you just say?” he demanded.

It was obvious to Keller and Kusanagi that Wilson didn’t see McKay as a threat. “I called you a faggot. It’s a good thing that twink Sheppard was thrown off the city. I doubt he’d survive long if he were still here,” Wilson taunted the scientist.

“Get the fuck out of my lab. If I see your homophobic ass in here one more time, I promise you, I’ll make you live to regret it. I’ll fucking destroy you,’ Rodney hissed.

Wilson chuckled. “What are you gonna do, bore me to death with math equations?”

Rodney smirked. “I can’t believe what an unbelievable asshole you are. Your government doesn’t just love me for my beautiful mind, but because I build beautiful bombs. I seriously doubt anybody would miss you.”

When Wilson made no move to leave, Rodney picked up his tray and threw it. “All of you, get out!” he shouted.

The tray glanced off Wilson’s arm and Keller and Miko quickly rose and left, the colonel close on their heels. Miko scurried to her quarters where she proceeded to adjust the environmental controls in Wilson’s quarters. He would either freeze or boil. She also adjusted his shower so that it would only supply ice-cold water.

Jennifer went in the same direction as Wilson. “Colonel, you have to understand the pressure Dr. McKay is under. I’m sure he didn’t mean what he said.” Keller said engagingly.

“What the fuck ever. I’m still reporting the bastard.”

Keller stopped Wilson with a slim, firm hand on his arm, “I’ll tell you what. You know that Rodney and I are friends. Give me his mail and I’ll see that he gets it,” she appealed to him.

A sly look crossed Wilson’s face. “You’ll take his mail every week?” he asked.

“Of course.”

“And you’ll introduce me to that pretty little nurse, Sharon?”

“I’ll introduce you, but don’t expect me to order her to go out with you,” Jennifer replied. 

“Fair enough. An introduction is all I need,” Larry smugly informed the petite woman at his side. “I’ll bundle his mail with yours,” he said, walking away.

Jennifer turned to go back to the infirmary, a small grin on her face. She’d been angling for a way to get Rodney’s romantic attention, but with John Sheppard still in the picture, however peripherally, she knew she had no chance. She didn’t exactly love Rodney, but she thought she could manipulate him with sex, and she loved the money he had. He could also help her career in numerable ways. The only thing standing in her way was the former Colonel Sheppard.

***

Over the next three months, Jennifer intercepted three letters from John. She delivered all the rest of McKay’s mail and if he noticed that she was delivering his mail, he never mentioned it. She read each letter in the privacy of her quarters and realized the fight between Rodney and Colonel Wilson had happened with perfect timing. If Rodney had gotten even one of Sheppard’s letters, she wouldn’t have stood a chance with the astrophysicist. John’s letters spoke of love and longing, detailing his abject misery at being parted from the scientist. She never gave a thought that she was coming between two people who genuinely loved each other. All she could see were the goals she had set for herself.

***

Rodney didn’t seem to notice during the first month he hadn’t heard from John. The same could not be said by the time the second month without word had come and gone. He finally reached out to Dave Sheppard, who told him that John was trying to get on with his life. He was devastated. He knew he had larger responsibilities to the planet, but the price he was being forced to pay was staggering. Rodney grew more vicious with each passing day. The only people that seemed able to put up with him were Radek, Carson, and Jennifer. When Jennifer asked him to her bed, he agreed. If his lovemaking was perfunctory, Jennifer ignored it.

~0~

John spent two weeks with Dave and his family before flying to Nevada where he spent the next six months wandering Nevada, Idaho, and Montana before landing in Morgan, Montana. He’d bought himself a Harley Sportster, brand new off the showroom floor and spent as much time as he could riding empty back roads and stopping only when he was too tired to see, or if he saw something interesting along the way. He stayed in small, weathered motels that had seen better days, grateful for a hot shower. On the nights he couldn’t find lodging, he unrolled his sleeping bag and slept under the stars.

Morgan had a whooping population of seventy-five. The closest town with its meager population of twenty-one hundred, lay fifty-five miles away and the nearest interstate was nearly two hundred miles away. The land was open and people far and few between. John thought this might be the perfect place to heal and finally get over Rodney. There were plenty of places to camp, or so he’d been told when he stopped in at the General Store, the only place for miles to get a hot cup of coffee. Or, if he were of a mind to work, Mrs. Parker, who’d just lost one of her hands, was looking for someone young and strong. 

Mrs. Parker ran the Rocking Horse Ranch. She had ten thousand acres of land and twenty-five horses. Wealthy people from across the globe spent thousands of dollars to rough it at the Ranch. They paid for the solitude, the scenery, and the chance to really get away from the distractions of their real lives. Mrs. Parker and her sister did all the cooking, providing the guests with simple, but hardy and delicious meals. She had two local women come in daily to clean the rooms and there were five hands to take care of the horses and guests when they were out on the trails.

John was assured that the pay was decent, the food plentiful, and the quarters clean. As long as he was willing to work hard, Mrs. Parker was as easy going a boss as any man could want. She had no tolerance for laziness, drugs, drinking, or preaching, but she was fair in all other ways. She’d run the Ranch by herself since her husband had died, twenty years before, and didn’t take bullshit from anyone, man or woman. John thanked the two elderly men who had also given him directions to the Ranch.

John climbed on his Harley, not bothering with his helmet and found the Ranch. He quickly came to an understanding with Mrs. Parker, a tall, rough-hewn woman of fifty-eight. She was dressed in jeans, a work shirt, and boots, her dull, brown hair pulled up in a serviceable ponytail. Her brown eyes were flinty and seemed to look through him, digging up all of his secrets before she nodded curtly and showed him to his quarters. She outlined his duties, his hours, and let him know she expected him at the table for all meals on time and washed up.

John agreed with all of her orders, mentally shaking his head and thinking that it was just like being in the military. He wasn’t expected to start work until the next day so he took the time to write to Dave, letting him know that he could send any mail now that he’d be in one place for a bit. John dug through his stack of postcards to send one to Rodney. 

He sent Rodney a postcard or three from everywhere he had stayed longer than a few weeks in the hopes he’d come visit, or write back. John had always been bitterly disappointed that Rodney had never shown up, or replied. He didn’t know why he kept bothering.

***

John spent the next year working with the horses and making himself indispensible to Joan Parker. He made friends and hung out with them, but he never opened himself completely. He guarded his heart and slowly came to terms with losing the love of his life. Rodney was never far from his mind, and he dreamed of him frequently. When he’d been there a year, Joan had cornered him one night, telling him, “If I ever meet the person that broke your heart so bad, I may have to shoot them.”

“I doubt you’ll ever get that chance,” John answered.

***

A week later, John was getting ready to muck out the stables when Joan asked him to come in for coffee. Following her into the main house, John sat at the large table, waiting patiently for his boss to stop fussing with the coffee pot. When she’d poured two cups, she sat and turned her eyes to John.

“You’ve been keeping secrets from me, John.”

Amused, John thought about the multitude of secrets he had, and asked, “What secret would that be?”

“That you’re John Sheppard of Sheppard International. Now, why would a rich man be working as a hired hand in the middle of nowhere?”

“I think that’s sorta my business. Are you unhappy with my work?”

“Lord, no. I’m thinking about selling the ranch though, and I don’t want some East Coast businessman putting up luxury homes for people with more money than sense. I want to know if you’re interested in buying it,” Joan confessed. 

“Why me?” John asked.

“Because you love the land and you love the horses. I think this place is as close to paradise as you can get and I think you respect that. And, you can afford it.”

“I’d like my brother to come out and take a look at the books before I decide anything.”

“Of course, John,” Joan agreed.

***

Three days later, Dave was on back of a horse getting the full tour of the property after he’d spent an hour looking over the horses. He’d dropped everything to come see his baby brother and the ranch that he’d talked about so much during their weekly phone calls. Joan had packed them thick turkey and roast beef sandwiches, and containers of homemade potato salad. She’d also given them several thermoses of strong black coffee. 

As the two men rode, John could see the lines of stress disappear from his brother’s face. They rode mostly in silence, listening to the sounds of the prairie; the ever-present wind, the occasional scream of a raptor, and taking in the wide expanse of endless sky and land.

Once Dave had taken in the property itself, they headed back to the main house for dinner. Dave ate with John and the other hands, savoring the beef stew and fresh vegetables. After dinner, Jan escorted him into her office and laid out the books for the last twenty years. As David went through them he realized that the Ranch was quite the moneymaker, but had the potential to make a lot more money than Joan had ever taken in. 

He’d been given one of the guest cabins and John spent the night with him discussing the advantages and disadvantages of owning the ranch. “So, do you think this is doable?” John inquired.

“Oh, yeah. But, you’re going to have to upgrade the cabins. Mostly the décor as the buildings themselves seem sturdy. We can get an engineer out here to check on that. I’d also suggest hiring a chef to mix up the menus a little and building a conference room,” Dave suggested. “And, if you advertise a little, you’d get a lot more international business as well. Right now, the Ranch isn’t fully booked all year, and it can be.”

“Why a conference room?” John asked.

“Because, when major companies start taking their top executives and boards of directors here for week long team building meetings, and they will, you’ll have opened up a whole new avenue of business. You’ll end up with a waiting list to get in here,” David explained. “If you don’t want to deal with that sort of business full time, limit it to four or five weeks a year. Hell, it’ll make the place even more exclusive. Also, I’ve got a really bright kid that I just hired, but he’s got some problems relating to people. He’d be perfect as a business manager.”

“I’d also want to build myself a house,” John mentioned.

“Well, you wouldn’t have a choice since part of the deal is that Joan and her sister keep the main house. And you certainly can’t stay in one of the guest cabins. You’ll also need to refurbish the employee quarters.” 

“What do you think of the horses?”

“They’re gorgeous, and look to be in perfect health. You might want to consider buying a few more. And it’s obvious the stable has been well maintained.” The stable had the capacity to hold 50 horses, but hadn’t for a number of years. “You might also want to open up the property for hunting, at least on a limited basis, but that’s something you can think about later.”

“So, you think I should do it?” John asked uncertainly.

“I think you’d be a fool not to, John. The asking price is more than reasonable, the land is amazing, and you won’t have to put a lot of money into it. Plus, Joan and her sister come along with the deal. It’s not like you can’t afford it either,” David remarked. “The only question is, can you live so far from civilization? There’s not a whole hell of a lot out here.”

“It’s what I need. I think I could live my entire life here and be happy, or as happy as possible,” John confided.

“Well, if you decide you don’t want it after a few years, it’s still a great investment, and we could always hire someone to run the place for you.”

***

The deal was sealed within a month and John hired someone to redo the guest cabins and a crew to build his new home, the conference building, and a few more guest cabins. He gave one of the cabins to Chris Klein, the business manager Dave had recommended. He was still searching for a chef that would be willing to cook for wealthy people in the middle of nowhere. He went to a few auctions and bought ten new horses that were barely broken. By the time he’d been at the Ranch for eighteen months, his entire life had changed and his future was one he’d never even dreamed about.

~0~

Three years after Atlantis landed in the San Francisco Bay, the President decided to send her back to the Pegasus galaxy. It had been difficult at best to keep her a secret, and the American population was beginning to join the world in demanding to know why the Bay had been off limits to all but the military for the last three years. Finding two partially charged ZPM’s added to his sudden willingness to send the city back to the Pegasus galaxy. 

Jack had been happily running Homeworld security from Atlantis. Daniel had had his nose buried in the database, spending hours translating. His efforts had helped every department unlock the secrets the city had to offer. In a completely off the record conversation, Rodney confessed to Jack that he knew how to recharge the ZPM’s, but John Sheppard would have to be offered full reinstatement before he would even consider full disclosure of his research. He’d kept much of his work secret, with no one person, barring himself, understanding the full process.

McKay had long gotten over his bitterness over John leaving. He hadn’t managed to get over loving him though. He’d been with Jennifer for over two years, but John Sheppard was never far from his mind. He would willingly give up Atlantis if he could give her back to John.

General O’Neill’s persuasive arguments over the last three years had been partially responsible for the President’s decision to finally send Atlantis back to Pegasus. The Joint Chiefs were finally in agreement about sending the city back as well. They were running out of excuses to keep the Bay off limits. There was also the concern that the Wraith were now three years closer to finding Earth, and they admitted that O’Neill and Sheppard had been right all along; it would be better to fight such a formidable enemy as far from the Homeworld as possible. There was also the matter of having O’Neill flaunting his husband around San Francisco. Jack made a point of taking Daniel out in his dress blues as often as possible. 

Once the decision had been made to send the city back, the President asked Jack to lead the mission. He would share power with Woolsey and whoever was chosen as the head of the military. After Colonel Evan Lorne had turned down the position, the debate over who would replace him had turned heated, with quite a few names tossed into the running. Jack was very happy to go to another galaxy, and even lead the expedition, but only as a civilian. 

Jack asserted that the only intelligent decision was to get John Sheppard back in uniform as quickly as possible. Even without McKay’s threat to hold back his research, Sheppard was his first and only choice; he had the knowledge and experience to effectively fight and destroy the Wraith using Atlantis.

~*~

Once the decision was made to bring Sheppard back into the fold, it took a week of meetings to come up with a plan. The most important part of the plan involved who would go fetch John. It was O’Neill’s suggestion to send McKay, despite near universal dissent from the Joint Chiefs, the President, and the IOA. McKay might be valued for his brains and ability to build weapons, but no one liked him; his arrogance and inability to kiss ass off putting to every one of them. 

Just McKay, Jack argued, convincing them all, that if anyone else went, Sheppard would tell them to fuck off. Again. There was no guarantee John wouldn’t tell McKay to fuck off either. As far Jack knew, Sheppard hadn’t been in touch with anyone in the program for well over two years. No one at the table was willing to tell O’Neill that they’d made it impossible for Sheppard to make contact despite the number of times he’d tried. And Wilson hadn’t told his handlers about his deal with Keller, so no one at the table knew that John still sent the occasional postcard to McKay.

***

The Air Force hadn’t needed to keep Sheppard within their sights for the last three years. They’d never removed his transmitter; after all, they needed to know where he was in the event that he had to be quickly plucked from whatever backwater he’d chosen to waste himself in. There was no such thing as privacy for a man with John’s genetic gifts and military background.

Rodney was approached for the mission and immediately agreed. Jennifer cleared out the infirmary with her anger after McKay told her he’d be gone for a few weeks. He had no doubt that convincing his former lover to come back would be difficult at best. She’d been panicking and screaming for weeks, ever since the rumors about Atlantis returning to Pegasus had begun circulating. Rodney ignored her and avoided her as much as he could. The two years he’d sort of been with her meant nothing to him when compared to even a remote chance that John might come back to him. Just the chance of seeing his former lover was more important to Rodney than Jennifer’s feelings. He knew that made him an asshole, but he didn’t care.

Keller had been trying to get Rodney to commit to staying on Earth. McKay would stay on Earth only if John didn’t want him on Atlantis. He’d sacrificed much for duty, and was willing to sacrifice everything for John. Jennifer’s near constant talk of staying on Earth and getting married was nothing more than annoying background noise to Rodney and he easily tuned her out. 

Jennifer attempted to talk Rodney into taking her with him when he went to try and get Sheppard back into uniform. She wanted to go with Rodney so John would know he was hers. She didn’t so much want to rub his face in it as she wanted to warn him off, although, she wasn’t above rubbing his face in it given half a chance.

She followed Rodney back to his quarters and watched him pack, getting angrier with every passing moment. His obvious excitement about seeing John again was grating on her nerves. “You don’t think he’ll take you back, do you?” she demanded.

Rodney sighed. He’d been hoping to avoid this conversation. “I was always honest with you, Jennifer. I’m still in love with him. But, if all he wants is friendship, I’ll accept that. He’s the best friend I ever had.”

“And what the hell was I? A convenient hole to fuck?” she screamed.

“You were a companion. Let’s not forget who chased who, Jennifer. And let’s face it, the infrequent sex was never that great,” he replied calmly, continuing to pack.

“We talked about getting married, Rodney. That’s a lot more than a companion!”

“You talked about marriage. I just never told you it wasn’t ever going to happen. People say I’m oblivious, but you’ve got me beat on that front.”

“So you’ve let me waste more than two years of my life thinking we had something?”

“No. You chose to waste those years. I never once said we had something. I never said I loved you. I never talked about a future with you. As soon as we started sleeping together, we didn’t even spend all that much time together. Certainly not like lovers do. Hell, I’ve never taken you out on a date,” Rodney listed. “I have to wonder why you would accept such a crappy relationship.”

Keller smirked through her obvious anger. “You’re rich and I thought you could help me with my career. But, Sheppard will never take you back. I’ve made sure of that,” she gloated.

“What are you talking about?” Rodney asked impatiently.

“You never did bother to answer any of his mail, Rodney. Not his postcards and certainly not the three angst filled letters he sent you,” she said.

“What letters?” Rodney growled.

“The letters he sent more than two years ago.”

Rodney paled and he grabbed Keller’s arm. He dragged her out of his quarters to her quarters. Letting go of her arm, he ordered, “Give them to me now!”

“I don’t…”

“Shut up and get them. I know you didn’t destroy them. You’re the type of bitch that would need to gloat over them. I have no problem tearing your room apart,” Rodney promised.

Keller went to her desk and pulled out a drawer, pulling out a bundle of postcards from the back. The letters were in the back of the postcards and it was all secured with a thick rubber band. She slapped the bundle into McKay’s waiting hand.

“Don’t ever come near me or talk to me again, Jennifer. If you do, I’ll make you wish you’d never been born,” Rodney told her.

*** 

Returning to his quarters, Rodney began with the letters, fury pooling in his guts as he read them. If he’d received these, he would have run to John. That John had kept writing postcards gave him a small glimmer of hope. The last postcard was sent only a month ago, and while it was impersonal it signaled that Sheppard still thought of him occasionally.

Guilt ate at him along with regret for three years lost. Rodney would humble himself before John and hope that he would forgive him enough to come home to the city he loved so much. He’d let John decide if he could stomach having Rodney on the city. 

He finished packing and left Atlantis without a word to anyone.

~*~

One of the best-kept secrets on Atlantis was the friendship between McKay, O’Neill, and Jackson. Soon after he began his relationship with Keller, he’d varied the times he ate dinner in the mess and could often be found searching various parts of the city. She seemed to understand that he couldn’t always be available to her and accepted whatever time he was willing to give her.

It was during one of these explorations that Rodney had met up with Jack and Daniel on their own excursion. They’d insisted on staying with him, and it soon became a weekly thing. McKay also called on Daniel a number of times for translations. He was perfectly capable of translating Ancient himself, but Daniel did it faster, and was able to understand the nuances of the language he often missed.

Sensing his loneliness, despite his relationship with Keller, they sometimes asked him out for dinner in San Francisco. Jack and Daniel were the only people in his life that he could talk to about his feelings for John, and the reasons he’d chosen to stay on Atlantis, rather than leave with his lover.

Daniel in particular was able to sense when Rodney was in need of company or a break. O’Neill and Jackson were the only ones privy to the progress made on recharging the ZPM’s. Jack kept it to himself because he didn’t trust the IOA or his own government, and he felt that Rodney’s asking price of having Sheppard reinstated was a fair one.

It was Daniel who had made all of Rodney’s travel arrangements. McKay had wanted to arrive at the Ranch when there was no chance of him running into John unexpectedly. To that end, Daniel had researched a typical day at the Ranch, ensuring Rodney would arrive when all the hands were out with guests.

He booked Rodney under the name Jake Williams and reserved the most isolated cabin. He requested that the cabin be stocked with several days worth of food. He told the woman he spoke with that Mr. Williams would be going straight to his cabin without checking in and required nothing more than being left alone. Mrs. Parker, well used to the eccentricities of the rich assured Daniel that all of Mr. Williams’ requests would be honored. 

Rodney landed at the Billings airport and took a small charter to Malta airport. Rodney had spent the second plane ride looking out the window and seeing little but trees and open grassland. He could barely believe John had hidden himself away here. There was a car waiting for him, a well-used tan Mitsubishi Galant. He managed to conceal his disgust until he had the keys in his hands. If the airport had ten employees, Rodney thought, he’d salt up the car and eat it. He walked away from the counter, muttering and ignoring the amused glances from the woman that had taken care of him.

 

As Rodney drove he wondered about Sheppard’s life. He hadn’t heard from him in years and he knew that was his fault. He’d been devastated by John’s failure to return to San Francisco and the seeming lack of correspondence. He’d taken Dave Sheppard’s word that John was trying to move forward in his life. He cursed his own obstinacy in wanting to find a way to permanently eradicate the Wraith.

As he began the ninety-minute drive, Rodney wondered if John would remember what they had been to each other.

Ten minutes into the drive, Rodney desperately began looking for some music that wasn’t Western, or country, or whatever they called it. He hadn’t thought to take any CD’s with him. He had no choice but the country music, interspersed with boring local news. Well, he thought, maybe John would be impressed if he could hum one of the god-awful songs.

As Rodney neared the Ranch, he pulled over to absorb the beauty of the land John had chosen to spend the last eighteen months of his life. He looked around at the flat prairie that stretched in all directions. It was very like an ocean, large and seemingly unending. The air was dry and crisp and only hinted at the warmth to come, and smelled clean and fresh. He caught the slightest scent of horse manure, and horse on the constant breeze, but that too was a clean scent, natural and inoffensive. And he easily understood that this land and John Sheppard were made for each other.

Rodney drove up the long road and drove past the large home he knew was the main house and the dozen and a half large cabins toward the end of the road where his cabin was located. Daniel had told him that the quarters for the hands were closest to the stables and were smaller than the guest cabins. Rodney parked in the rear of his cabin and took in his suitcase. 

He was tired after his early start this morning and he hadn’t slept well the night before. The hotel bed had been comfortable enough, but he’d still been rocked from Keller’s disclosure, and unable to sleep for more than a couple of hours. Fortunately, the cabin was well appointed, soothing his jittery nerves. It contained a large central living room complete with a fireplace, three bedrooms, a small kitchen, two spacious bathrooms, and a large porch with a Jacuzzi in the rear. 

Peeking out the back window, he could see the stables a good quarter mile away from his cabin, along with a corral. Rodney had arrived just in time for sunset, and it was gorgeous. He could see about a dozen horses in the corral, raising dust, as a lone cowboy stood in front of them, holding a lariat, whipping it around every so often.

The cowboy wore a long sleeved white shirt and blue jeans with chaps. His hat was large brimmed and shaded his face. He stood staring into the vast horizon, his back to Rodney, and wore an air of melancholy that Rodney could feel over the distance. He was convinced it was John, and he stepped away from the window before the other man could sense him. Sheppard had always had hellishly good instincts, and Rodney just wasn’t ready to confront him. 

***

Rodney tumbled into bed by 9:30, and fell into a deep, dreamless sleep. Missing the rise and fall of the city, he woke early, just as the sun was rising. He dressed quickly knowing from Daniel’s very thorough research that the hands started their day early. He hoped to catch John alone if at all possible. He didn’t want any guests to witness their meeting. He thought it very possible that John might hit him, and he had no desire to be humiliated in front of a bunch of rich fat cats. He took a deep breath and walked out of his cabin.

On the far side of the stables, in front of a small building sided in corrugated metal, Rodney spied a half naked cowboy leaning in the doorway. The cowboy’s jeans were half undone, showing off crisp pubic hair and he was wearing a vest that hung open and Rodney could see one dark nipple, pebbled in the cool air. Even from some distance, Rodney knew it was John, and his mouth was suddenly dry at the flesh on display. 

“Hello, Rodney. So, you finally decided I was worth some of your time?” John drawled.

“What? No! Why would you ask that?” Rodney demanded.

“Three years is a long fucking time, McKay.”

“Can we talk privately?” Rodney asked.

“Nope. Got nothing to say to you,” John stated, entering the building.

Rodney quickly walked to the main house where breakfast was served from dawn to 9 AM. The front room held a reception desk being manned by an older woman. “What do I have to do to get John Sheppard as my guide?” he asked.

Joan looked him up and down, her shrewd eyes making instant decisions and connections. “Well, that depends, sugar. I have a feeling you’re the person I once promised John I’d shoot. Are you here to make things right?”

Taken aback by her shooting comment, he jumped on her last statement. “I’m going to do my best. But he won’t talk to me right now.”

“I’m pretty sure John won’t thank me for interfering in his life, but you let me see to it, honey. I’m damn tired of that boy walking around with that long face,” she promised. “You go get yourself some breakfast, and I’ll even pack you a lunch. Um, you _have_ ridden a horse before, haven’t you?”

“Once,” Rodney confessed. He neglected to mention it had been a pony at a birthday party when he was eight years old.

“I’ll make sure John gives you one of our gentler horses,” she smirked, anticipating that Sheppard was going to give this boy back some of his own.

***

Two hours later, Rodney was on back on one of the biggest damn horses he’d ever seen. It was a dappled grey, and it kept turning its head around and biting at the reins. Her name was Sheba, and was usually given to the younger children that came to the Ranch with their families.

John had no trouble reining in his horse, Diablo, even though he could feel the horse’s impatience to be galloping. He was newly broken and still felt slightly feral to John. He struggled not to laugh at Rodney’s fear of Sheba. He was still mad as hell at McKay and wouldn’t be making this easy for him.

Rodney couldn’t keep up with John and his even bigger black as sin horse. He uttered a curse every now and again as he fought to keep from being bitten, and to stay on Sheba’s back. It was impossible to talk to Sheppard under these circumstances, and he didn’t even try.

Three hours later, Sheppard helped McKay dismount in front of the stables, tossing him a sandwich. He remounted Diablo. “If I were you, I’d go soak in the Jacuzzi for an hour.”

John cantered away after giving his former lover his curt advice. Rodney turned to walk back to his cabin after watching John disappear into the horizon. Although he didn’t feel stiff, he realized he’d used muscles today that hadn’t been worked in some time, and decided that John had the right of it.

Sheppard rode Diablo hard, away from the trails used by the guests. He wasn’t in the mood to see anyone. He pulled out his cell and gave Joan a call. Foregoing politeness, he barked when she picked up the call. “What the hell, Joan? Why did I only have one guest today?”

“He requested you,” she answered.

“And, let me guess, you put two and two together and got five,” he sniped.

“Oh, I think I got four, hon,” she chuckled.

“Well, just stay out of my business,” John ordered, unwilling to admit she was right. He ended the call, missing the satisfaction of slamming down a handset. He headed for one of the out buildings that dotted the property. They were capable of sleeping several people and were stocked with canned food, water, and firewood in the event of sudden storms. He spent two nights at the edge of his land, returning past sunset on the third night.

Rodney spent the days John was gone cooling his heels. He’d asked Joan to have meals delivered to his cabin so he wouldn’t miss John’s return. He was on the back porch when John rode up to the stables. 

Entering the surprisingly clean smelling stable, Rodney saw John brushing down his horse. “I did it, John,” he said quietly.

“Did what?” John asked wearily.

“Found a way to recharge the ZPM’s. They’re sending Atlantis back, John. They want you in charge of the military. Please, can we go some place and talk privately?”

“And they thought sending you to come get me would be a good idea?” John demanded. 

“I’m pretty sure they figured you’d tell anyone else to fuck off.”

“Don’t kid yourself, McKay, I’m going to tell you to fuck off also. Let’s go back to your cabin. This way you can start packing when we’re done,” John relented.

John sat in one of the comfortable armchairs as McKay paced. “I’m here. Talk.”

“They’re willing to give you a promotion and free rein on eliminating the Wraith. You’ll answer to O’Neill and Woolsey.”

John’s eyebrows lifted in amusement and a sneer crossed his mouth. “No.” 

“John, Atlantis is yours. All you have to do is say yes.”

Smirking, John stated, “I already said no.”

“Will you at least tell me why?” Rodney questioned, his voice defeated. 

“Even you can’t be that big an asshole, McKay,” John growled. “I’ve worked hard on trying to go on with my life and now you just expect me to go back to work with you?” 

Rodney hung his head. “I didn’t get your letters until a few days ago. If I had, I would have told the SGC to fuck off, promises or no promises.”

“You could’ve tried a little harder to drop me a line once a year or something, McKay. Why didn’t you get my letters?” John inquired curiously.

“I started seeing Jennifer Keller after I realized you weren’t coming back,” Rodney confessed. “She was very enamored with my money, and thought if I got your letters, she wouldn’t have a chance. She was right.” 

Breathing deeply, and forgetting about his own behavior, John snarled, “It didn’t take you long to move on, McKay. I thought we had something together. I was wrong, but don’t expect me to be around for you to rub my face in it.”

“Are you insane? I thought you’d be back, asshole. I figured you’d go sulk for a few weeks and then come back to San Francisco to be with me. I really thought we’d get an apartment or something. It’s not like I couldn’t commute to work,” Rodney flung at him. “I love you, John. I’ve never stopped loving you.”

 

“What about Jennifer?” John questioned.

“What about her? You can’t think I’ll ever forgive her for withholding any mail you’ve sent me over the last two and a half years?” Rodney fumed. “Besides, she’s staying on Earth. If she had signed up for the mission, I would’ve fired her ass.”

Sheppard uncoiled himself from the chair and grabbed McKay’s arm, dragging him out the back door. “Take a look, Rodney. All of this is mine. Ten thousand acres, the horses, the cabins, all of it. I’m not going anywhere.”

“I haven’t given them the research yet, John. I promised you I’d find a way to exterminate the Wraith, and that’s what I’ve been working toward. If you want to go back to Pegasus, I’ll stay on Earth,” Rodney explained.

“You’re not listening, McKay. I love this land. And I refuse to be the SGC’s whore. They didn’t want me three years ago and they don’t get to have me now,” he raged.

“Once they get my research, they don’t really need me either.”

“What are you saying, McKay?”

“That you could probably spare me an acre or two for a lab.”

“You wanna stay with me?” John asked in disbelief.

“Did you miss the part that I’m still in love with you?”

John pushed Rodney back into the house slamming Rodney up against the closed door and took his mouth in a harsh, punishing kiss.

“God, Rodney. I’ve missed you,” John murmured as Rodney leaned forward to kiss him.

John met each thrust of Rodney’s tongue as he was pushed toward the master bedroom and the large, inviting bed. 

Rodney ripped his mouth away to drag John’s shirt up so he could lick at tight nipples, loving the way they felt against his tongue.

John moaned and clawed at Rodney’s clothes till he was naked and then swiftly undressed. “I was gonna ask if you wanted to go for another ride, but I think I’ll take one instead,” John whispered.

Rodney whimpered and worked his mouth down John’s body, pushing his legs apart. He sucked teasingly on John’s rigid cock, taking him deep. He recognized he was close and all he wanted was to feel his lover come in his mouth. 

John hadn’t been with anyone since Amsterdam, more than two years ago, and he came shockingly fast, emptying himself in Rodney’s warm, wet mouth, sobbing his pleasure as his entire body shuddered with pleasure. 

Rodney released his cock, pushing his legs up and began to work his hole, licking and gently biting. John writhed under the assault of the wide, achingly familiar mouth and reached for the lube he used when he jerked off, as well as a condom that had sat unused for years.

Taking the lube and condom, Rodney slicked up his fingers and prepared John quickly. He lay down, rolled on the condom, slicked himself, and helped his lover straddle him and then sit on his thick, throbbing cock. 

John eased himself down slowly, taking in the hard length, his body adjusting to the almost forgotten sensation of being filled. Rodney’s big hands were tight on his hips, guiding his movements as he rode his lover. His head was thrown back as he became lost in pleasure and sweat beaded both their bodies. 

Rodney rocked up, meeting each of John’s downward movements, moaning at the tight heat gripping him. He adjusted his angle slightly and was hitting John’s prostate with every push into his body. 

John’s hands began twisting sensitive nipples and Rodney was coming hard, groaning John’s name. He’d almost forgotten the intense orgasms he’d always achieved with John and how wonderfully fucked out he got. Shivering with aftershocks, he jerked John into a second orgasm, thick ropes of come jetting onto his chest and belly.

Collapsing onto Rodney, John grasped his face, kissing him, incomprehensible words of love spoken into his lover’s mouth.

But Rodney was a genius and understood every one of them and returned them.

John eased himself off Rodney’s softening cock and curled into him, hand stroking the broad chest. “So, do I get to keep you?”

“Actually, I get to keep you,” Rodney replied. “I’ll call Jack and tell him as soon as we get out of bed. I was figuring maybe tomorrow.”

The End

**Author's Note:**

> My thanks and gratitude to Winterhart for the beta and for help in researching the impossible. Any remaining errors are mine.
> 
> This story started its life in response to several Cowboy John manips made for me by a number of very talented artists. I have a thing about John as a cowboy. I think he'd make a very good one.


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